


the Ethereal and the Nefarious.

by darthkylo



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Developing Relationship, F/M, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Marriage of Convenience, Shameless Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-18
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-03-20 23:47:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13728573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darthkylo/pseuds/darthkylo
Summary: “When we press the thorn to our chest we know, we understand, and still we do it.”― Colleen McCullough, The Thorn Birds.





	1. Wedding.

He hardly remembers her, he knows they share childhood memories because her parents and his were friends and allies since forever. But at the age of seventeen she vanished, after the First Order had risen and Snoke had targeted both her family and planet as traitors just because they hadn’t knelt in front of him.

He loses his train of thought the very first second he sees her enter the room. She walks the carpet slowly with no one by her side as the people stand up in her path, fixing their eyes on her. Kylo is standing at the end of the aisle too, waiting.

He doesn’t know why, but he finds himself trying to reach to her through the Force except he finds nothing. No breathing, no heart beating. Stone cold. He would have thought she’s dead if he wasn’t seeing her with his own two eyes.

She stands now by his side, wearing [a white tulle dress and an embroidered veil](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/28/88/08/288808c4f95a39208427f72e17108333.jpg) that covers her whole frame.

Then the guests sit, the Priest talks and the ceremony begins.

 

_“Father. Knight. Warrior.”_

_“Mother. Maiden. Crone.”_

_“Stranger.”_

_“I am hers. “I am his.”_

_“And she is mine.” “And he is mine.”_

_“From this day, until the end of my days.”_

 

Kylo feels a stinging pain on his palms and out of instinct he looks down at hers. The stem of the small bouquet of white roses she’s clutching between her hands is stained with blood that drips from her fingers to her wrists, reaching down to the hem of her dress. But before he can do anything the Priest talks, and commands him to kiss her.

And so does Kylo.

And so does her.

Bonded forever.


	2. Feast.

The assistants are separated by military ranks. The highs with the highs and the lows with the lows. Nor have they been allowed to bring family or couples since it was supposed to be an intimate ceremony.

Nobody would say that a wedding was being held, because everyone is eating in silence and with their heads down.

Kylo is sitting alone at the presidential table. Just right after what happened, a couple of maids had taken her away to treat her wounds and change her dress. She had barely reacted, and Kylo still has a bitter taste in his mouth.

A short time later she returns [with a new dress](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/60/04/37/6004379844e435c8213a080a8f2fdd28.jpg) and bandaged hands, and both make the official toast without speaking, without touching, without looking at each other.

The dinner gives way to the appetizers. People seem more alive now but still Kylo feels uncomfortable, as if he did not belong there. He looks around but he doesn’t see her; she’s not by his side, not among the crowd, nor among the servants.

So he goes out, and goes looking for her.

The whole place feels cold, desolate, but still he feels a warmth that surrounds him and guides him. He begins to walk aimlessly, letting himself be carried away by that invisible force.

He is in front of the door of a room and without thinking he enters. Now Kylo feels that warmth throughout the room.

He goes a little deeper and then he sees her; asleep on one side of what he supposes is their bed. Her hair is scattered on the pillow, and her hands are near her belly to avoid damaging them more than they are.

Kylo approaches, and with the tip of his index finger he gently touches her cheek, drawing an imaginary line without realizing it. And suddenly he feels it, he feels a sensation that goes from the tip of his finger to the back of his head. Like a lightning bolt. And for a fleeting moment it lingers there, and he feels at peace. As if nothing bad had ever happened. As if he were sixteen again. As if he felt loved.

But it's strange, so he retreats.

He realizes then she’s kept his side of the bed in case he wanted to take it.

 

He won’t sleep tonight.


	3. Ghost.

The speed with which the new military base is built after the destruction of the Supremacy is impressive.

This time it is located on a wooded planet, with large trees and bright green grass.

Kylo admits to himself that he likes the place because it is extremely quiet and the only thing that is heard, besides the occasional murmuring of the living people, is the sound of the wind moving the leaves.

It doesn’t have a name yet, so he thinks about asking her about one that may fit.

But he realizes that after almost three weeks into the marriage they haven’t spoken yet.

Not a single word.

Still, he knows she’s spoken to others.

He knows it not because she has told him, but because he’s been observing her from a cautious distance.

He’s seen her exiting the medbay, he’s seen her on the bridge with the officers, he’s seen her around the Knights.

When he dares to ask they all say she’s polite and thoughtful. And nice.

She’s even talked to Hux.

But not to him.

Later everything comes to his mind: the separated chambers, the separated schedules, the separated services, the separated guards.

The separated lives.

It’s been like this since they arrived here.

She only stays in his presence when the occasion necessarily requires it, when they must keep the phony facade their marriage is.

He doesn’t want to say the words but he recognizes the feelings.

Shame and jealousy, and rejection. Most of all rejection.

He shouldn’t care he tells himself. He shouldn’t feel like this.

She’s replaceable. Just like them.

But it hurts deep inside somehow, because he senses that old scar opening again.

Stinging and burning. All consuming.

He can’t let that happen.

Not again.

He knows where she must be now that the sun is setting, because she’s fallen on such strange routine.

So he goes and walks outside the Base to find her, to confront her.

And there she is, standing, giving him her back.

As soon as she hears the cracking of his boots on the grass she closes the small holopad she has on the palm of her hand.

But he had already seen it. He had seen the blue hologram the tool was projecting. A man, a woman and a children.

He had recognized them. He had recognized _her_.

Kylo knows why she comes here, and his old buried self feels wrong for interrupting this moment of hers.

[Her skirt moves smoothly in the wind, while her hair gets tangled on the ribbon she wears around her neck.](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/fb/62/ed/fb62ed99ac2bd8f68e86f74ff840b386.jpg) He sees her bare feet below the hem of her dress, uncovered just like her shoulders.

He wonders if she’s cold.

“I’ve been looking for you for a long time.”

“ _You always know where I am_ ,” she states.

She knows, he thinks.

So he ponders rapidly about all the possible answers to all of her possible questions. Until his attention is caught by her unbandaged hands.

“I see your hands are healed finally.”

She nods at the affirmation. 

He realizes then that she doesn’t want to speak, that she desires to be left alone.

His eyes focus again on the small device she holds and he’s suddenly overwhelmed.

By sorrow, by agony, by pain.

And the words come out of his mouth before he can stop them.

“I know how it feels.”

Kylo hears a crack and the air gets caught on his throat, suddenly thicker.

She turns to face him, locking her ferocious eyes with his.

He doesn’t dare to look away and sees her there, standing on the same spot where he found her. Upright and trembling with fury, ready to consume him with her fire.

Until her demeanor changes in the blink of an eye.

And her shoulders slump, and her void eyes are filled now with unspilled tears.

“ _No, you don’t._ ” She whispers.

As she walks past him, their hands brush accidentally.

It goes unnoticed to her.

But not to him.

 

  
He should have never spoken.


	4. Bonfire.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the huge delay on this chapter. I hope this makes up for it!

She sits on her chair for most of the night.

A cup of wine on her hands and a sigh on her chest. 

No one talks to her.

Except for an occasional formal introduction and good byes.

They must fear the new Supreme Leader’s wife.

It is better this way.

Or so she thinks.

An Admiral interrupts her internal rambling.

He introduces himself.

Kisses her hand and bows.

Old fashioned.

The smell of his breath makes vile rise in her throat.

Bourbon and nicotine.

For hours he speaks and drinks endlessly.

All he gets in return are slight nods and noises in affirmative.

But he’s not satisfied with it.

Alcohol begins to take a major effect on him then.

Clumsy moves and stuttered words.

His efforts to stay collected fail miserably.

Suddenly furious due to her indifference, he begins to ask personal information.

Age, maiden name, birth planet.

Suspicion.

Pieces click on the drunk man’s brain as she answers.

Resolution.

“It is you.” He says.

 _“It is me.”_ She assures.

She leaves before his last words cross his lips.

No one notices her as she passes by.

She stops the second she hears it.

A shout.

Her name.

“Daughter of the Republic. Whore of the Order.”

The room falls silent.

Kylo is there.

And he hears it too.

He walks past the crowd.

He sees.

A man kneels in front her, both his hands clutch his face.

Thick shards of glass pierce his skin.

Wide open wounds.

Neck and jaw.

Cascades of blood.

There’s poetry in the way [the red liquid matches her dress.](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/91/a3/29/91a329f3455f28da434820634f5d6af7.jpg)

The last remnant part of the cup falls from her fingers.

Before it touches the floor, they’re away from the ballroom.

The library is cold when he pushes her inside.

No one will hear them there.

“You. You. You. Useless woman.”

Both his hands grip both her wrists.

She frees herself.

A slap.

The shape of her palm burns his cheek.

Fury turns his vision red.

His cold fingers wrap around her throat this time.

Grip tightens.

Pulse quickens under her skin.

_“Kill me. Kill me like you killed your father.”_

He recoils at the sight of her eyes.

An unfamiliar yellow shade crosses them.

Fleetingly.

_“Do it. Do it. Do it.”_

Every word is a punch on his chest.

An other. An other. An other.

He grabs her in his arms.

She writhes, tries to escape but does not succeed.

So she screams.

Kylo kisses her.

At first in an attempt to stop her.

Until a flame he thought extinct lights up inside his loins.

His hands are all over her body.

And hers all over his.

She’s warm and inviting.

Soft and delicate.

Passionate and urgent.

When she bites him, he pulls at her hair.

A sweet moan leaves her mouth and she opens her eyes.

And it’s over as soon as it begins.

They’re still in a haze when they break their embrace and look at each other.

They both gasp for breath, lips swollen and wet.

She blushes, he realizes.

He should offer an explanation, an apology.

But before he’s able to say anything, she leaves the room.

 

 

His lips still tremble when the morning comes.


	5. Ashes.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s finally happened!

He seats on the edge of his bed.

A soft breeze comes through the open windows of the balcony.

He should be asleep.

He’s tired enough.

The trip has been successful.

New allies are done.

But something keeps him awake at this hour of the night.

The thought of her.

Even though they’re a thousand galaxies apart.

He thinks of her.

And he feels something stir inside of him.

He draws a picture of her in his mind.

Her eyes, her hair, her lips.

It’s so perfectly crafted he swears he can breathe her scent, recall her taste.

He wonders if she dreams about him too.

If she longs for him.

If she’s consumed by the same desire.

No one has ever made him feel like this.

Restless and ablaze.

But there’s something in her.

Wickedness.

Or malice.

The way she openly denies him, avoids him.

And yet the easiness with which she surrendered to him.

His trousers become tight at the memory.

His hunger begging to be unleashed.

So he undresses his lower half.

Swiftly.

He doesn’t even remember the last time.

His own body seems foreign.

Taut and throbbing.

With his thighs spread, he cups himself.

One stroke, then two.

Slowly.

He grunts.

His free hand covers his mouth immediately.

Shame washes all over him.

Of all his crimes, this seems the worst.

He should feel guilty.

Of this yearning that makes his veins feel inadequate and paper-thin.

Until his wrist shifts a third time.

Fist moves down, hips rock up.

A tightness forms in his stomach.

Body tense with anticipation.

The hand that covered his mouth grips the sheets underneath him now.

Head thrown back, eyes shut.

Pleasure is so strong his ears ring and his body shakes.

When he opens his eyes again he’s startled by the sight of a different place.

Different, but not unfamiliar.

What if?

He hesitates for a second.

Little pants echo around the room.

Lowering his gaze he finds her there.

With her legs spread and the skirts of her dress rucked up her hips.

Mouth agape and reddened cheeks.

Fingers deep in her heat, covered in her own juices.

Her eyes are fixed on his.

All of sudden she becomes shy and tries to cover herself.

“No.” 

He whispers.

So softly he even surprises himself.

She relaxes, coming back to her original position.

She opens up and lets him see.

Kylo shivers.

He keeps up with his ministrations then.

She goes after him.

Pumping her digits vigorously.

In and out.

And Kylo can’t help but follow her rhythm.

Pace quickens.

Faster, harder.

Her orgasm is loud.

His is barely a seethe through gritted teeth.

He drinks in her image before closing his eyes.

A little dizziness in his mind.

When he reopens them, he’s back in his room.

Light years away.

His hand stained with his seed.

He uses a piece of black cloth he finds laying on his bed next to him.

As he takes a second look, he realizes it’s made of lace.

A piece of female underclothing.

 

 

For the first time in years, Kylo sleeps peacefully. 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos are more than appreciated!! And don’t forget to tell me what u guys think in the comments, don’t be shy ❤️


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